rockstar complex

So, today, I kinda feel amazing. It’s crazy, I mean, my entire self esteem has inexplicably skyrocketed since starting college–maybe it’s the excessive male attention, but I’ve always had that…oh, excuse me, it’s the HOT male attention :). Actually, I think all of that is more of an effect than a cause of my mad self love affair. I also had my first full body massage today, which I must say, was mind-blowing, and to be honest, I’ve been all kinds of loopy ever since I left the massage studio. I’ve been eating multicolored twizzlers and totally chilling like a mother effing villain all day long. 🙂 Anywho, I just feel pretty much invincible right now. I’m cranking up my ipod to Drake’s song “Fancy” and sitting in the dorm room. I just feel amazing. I’ve always felt like a rockstar inside, but I felt like my awesomeness didnt translate to other people like it should have. Now, it’s not only palpable that I’m incredible; it’s visible, tangible, it’s sensed, not intuited. I think that’s all I really ever wanted. I just wanted everyone to get it. Some people–actually, a lot of people already did, but I’m that kind of person who ignores the fact that hundreds of people love them and obsesses over that one who seems oblivious or averse to me and I become compelled to win them over. It’s sort of an annoying compulsion, but I need to not only be liked, but loved by everyone. It creates problems sometimes, because even though I feel innately special and need to be liked, I’m not a doormat. I’m really forceful sometimes when it comes to getting what I want, and sometimes that ruthlessness rubs people the wrong way and they become offended. Actually, what I’ve found, is that, with a lot of people, is that if you don’t consistently bend to their will, they become offended. This force of will sometimes causes people to dislike me–also the fact that I often don’t mince words doesn’t help. My sharp tongue gets me in hot water as well from time to time. I’m sworn to only use it for good. I’m usually verbally assassinating people because of some political or social freedom that I perceive them to be abusing. I’m not some crazy douchebag. I’m actually ridiculously nice. I just have a low bullshit tolerance…and a rockstar complex.

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