I think one of the greatest nagging fears of every Christian has to be the end of the world. Ever since Jesus left the earth, Christians have been trying to rush him back with a passionate fervor. I’m currently looking at a webpage called “220 Dates for The End of the World.” From what I’m seeing, people have been hailing in the end times from 44 A.D. all the way to the current 2010 A.D…and every time we predicted it, we’ve been wrong. I believe the biblical scripture, “no man shall know the day nor the hour that the son of man shall come…” just as much as any Christian, but I will bet my left front tooth that that day is NOT December 21, 2012. Sure, a common thread of many Christians is that we’ve all dreaded the day of the rapture since our childhoods. Not because we didn’t believe we’d be taken, but because, in that moment, we lose our humanity. We become totally spiritually oriented from that point forward. Earthly interests disintegrate. We all succumb to the larger context that surrounds us. The impending battle of Armageddon. I feel like fearing that moment is the most human emotion there is. Even more human than love, because in that moment, the moment of the rapture, as selfish as it sounds, the universe according to us ceases to revolve around us. It is the most solemn moment that will ever be for humanity. It’s when everything becomes real. Living in a real-life horror movie. Facing the unveiled namesakes of our nightmares and watching the entire universe succumb to a script recited so many times in thoughts, so many nights in dreams, so many ways in emotions. I think almost every Christian today can sit and reel through the caverns of his or her mind and fall back into remembrance of that dream. The dream that we’ve all secretly had. The one that constantly haunts our subconscious mind and makes us wonder every morning if ‘today is the day.’ I would venture to say that that same dream has been floating through the minds of believers since 44 A.D. It’s the force that causes us all to believe that we are living in the end times. I believe that one of the causes of our obsession is the fact that we actually desire the arrival of this cataclysm. We secretly enjoy the adrenaline rush of this epic disaster scene. Add that to the belief of most that Christians will be spared from enduring these sorrows and it all becomes clear. We get to lay safely on celestial cloud smack dab in the middle of the greatest atrocities mankind has ever seen and we don’t have to suffer at all?? Who wouldn’t want to speed the storyline? It’s basically like going to the gladiatorial arena. We aren’t gonna be chased by lions. No one’s out to get us. We get to sit in the stands. Of course we’re excited to go! But as for me…somehow, someway, I just don’t think it all will be that easy. There’s gonna be a catch. There always is…
« rockstar complex
So, today, I kinda feel amazing. It’s crazy, I mean, my entire self esteem has inexplicably skyrocketed since starting college–maybe it’s the excessive male attention, but I’ve always had that…oh, excuse me, it’s the HOT male attention :). Actually, I think all of that is more of an effect than a cause of my mad self love affair. I also had my first full body massage today, which I must say, was mind-blowing, and to be honest, I’ve been all kinds of loopy ever since I left the massage studio. I’ve been eating multicolored twizzlers and totally chilling like a mother effing villain all day long. 🙂 Anywho, I just feel pretty much invincible right now. I’m cranking up my ipod to Drake’s song “Fancy” and sitting in the dorm room. I just feel amazing. I’ve always felt like a rockstar inside, but I felt like my awesomeness didnt translate to other people like it should have. Now, it’s not only palpable that I’m incredible; it’s visible, tangible, it’s sensed, not intuited. I think that’s all I really ever wanted. I just wanted everyone to get it. Some people–actually, a lot of people already did, but I’m that kind of person who ignores the fact that hundreds of people love them and obsesses over that one who seems oblivious or averse to me and I become compelled to win them over. It’s sort of an annoying compulsion, but I need to not only be liked, but loved by everyone. It creates problems sometimes, because even though I feel innately special and need to be liked, I’m not a doormat. I’m really forceful sometimes when it comes to getting what I want, and sometimes that ruthlessness rubs people the wrong way and they become offended. Actually, what I’ve found, is that, with a lot of people, is that if you don’t consistently bend to their will, they become offended. This force of will sometimes causes people to dislike me–also the fact that I often don’t mince words doesn’t help. My sharp tongue gets me in hot water as well from time to time. I’m sworn to only use it for good. I’m usually verbally assassinating people because of some political or social freedom that I perceive them to be abusing. I’m not some crazy douchebag. I’m actually ridiculously nice. I just have a low bullshit tolerance…and a rockstar complex.
apocalypse now?? »« achieving ma’at
A strange mantra that has seemed to repeat itself for the past few days has been: “everything is as it should be.” Now, i’m usually a perfectionist, always improving, always striving for better, but somehow, some way, this phrase resonates with me. I keep hearing it everywhere so it obviously has some hidden meaning that I need to adhere to. I think it has meaning that we all need to adhere to. We need to let go of all the “could have beens, should have knowns, and would have dones.” We need to be gratefully dead to the past and take advantage of the present because it is a gift. We are, in each and every moment of our lives, exactly where we need to be to accomplish the things that only we can do. I believe Albert Einstein once said, there are two types of people in this world; one who believes that everything is a miracle, and one who believes nothing is a miracle. I don’t know about you, but I need something to believe in, and option number one sounds pretty damn palatable…Anyway, on to ma’at. Ma’at is an ancient Egyptian term used to describe a state of perfect harmony that all the ancient Egyptian kings strived to acquire during the periods in which they reigned. I’m not in Egypt, and I’m definitely not a king, but I know that we could all use a little extra serving of ma’at consciousness in our lives from time to time.
rockstar complex »« death.burial.resurrection.
Wow…it’s been a while….I’m actually happy though, because I found this blog again. I’ve thought about attempting to continue this thing, but now I’m back, and maybe this blog’s name should be changed, because I’m not attempting continuity anymore, I’m accomplishing it. It may have taken me a year and some change, but sometimes time needs to pass to put us in the place we need to be to do what needs to be done. I’ve learned that I can’t be afraid of waiting, afraid of throwing situations into the air like a coin toss because I’m afraid I might land “tails”. As long as my head is to the sky, then i’m landing on my feet, and I’ll put one foot in front of the other, while the chips fall where they may. We often bend over backwards to control people and situations because we don’t have faith in the universe. We think that God and the entire cosmos are out to get us. We live in constant paranoia of some long forgotten karmic debt that must be paid by experiencing the worst possible scenarios throughout our lives. We don’t realize that the universe isn’t against us, and it’s not for us either, for that matter. It simply is. We can either follow its flow or we can resist it. (I’ll elaborate on this further in my next post. I really need to get back on topic :/) If you want to have power, if you want to be happy, if you want to own your soul, you have to let go. You have to trust yourself and the universe, and be fully engrossed in the present moment…Anyways, enough of this stuff. On to the topic, “death.burial.resurrection”. A lot of me has died in this past year, most of which, I don’t want back and I’d rather forget, but on a lighter note, a considerably cooler person has definitely emerged from the ashes of an examined life. Ironically enough, I’m wearing my limited edition “Grateful Dead” converse sneakers. I guess it fits in with the context seeing as how I am gratefully dead to the past (even though it occasionally haunts like a phantom; but at least it doesnt steal away my present, like a thief on christmas eve :D). But all Fall Out Boy-esque puns aside, this blog has a lot of meaning for me. I have a lot of profound crap floating around in my head, and I’ve been searching for an outlet for my self-help psychobabble and general musings on the dramas of life. I just needed somewhere I could go all “Dr. Phil” and at the same time spew out whatever other craziness I wanted to without censorship…and then, I found the blog again!! Ding ding ding!!! Resurrected fun may now resume. 🙂
achieving ma’at »« famous last words
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